Always Something

Isn't there always something?  And just when you think...well let's just say you never really know who is honest with you in this life.

The good thing is that I've been going to the gym (bet you're wishing I would say more about the first two statements, well it isn't purdent yet) was going to go today but my new favorite (for today anyway) person "Sunny" wasn't feeling well and very tired, so being the good person that I am....we didn't go today.  So I'll have to go and work harder tomorrow and Thursday, maybe even go on Friday to make up for it....I know let's not get crazy right?  So much to do and get right with eating, drinking water, exercising....oh and making sure that we are eating the right things and portions.  So much to think about to get rid of so much of me.  Always a trade off involved...where is my magic pill damn it! 

Murderer

Just when you thought you knew someone or it was safe to hang out with them.....traitors!!!  So I joined the "Gym Cult"  I know, I know you all thought I was smarter than that....and I am, remember that post about testing my covert operations abilities....I can't say too much.....brb.........had to get my tin foil hat on, so they can't see what I'm posting.  So last week I went to the house of horr....I'm mean gym once with Sunny (she maybe a double agent) and did 30 minutes on the treadmill at a 3.5 degree incline.  Not too bad for this bountiful broad, then this week on Tuesday we went and I did the same amount.  But on Wednesday.....wait for it.....this going to amaze you....really you won't believe your eyes.....this Celt did a solid 22 minutes on the torchure device called ELIPITICAL.....now in her (Sunny's) defence it was my idea to use this machine (although she maybe slipping some thing into my cool aid, hmmmm) and then at the 15 min mark she starts to prod me into going longer, I was seriously tired, even huffing and puffing some (and not those "funny" cigerettes either) but continue on I did...she is seriously trying to kill me, I'm not sure which ex she is working for.  So after the 22 minutes, Sunny was pushing for 25 (crazy girl, who does she think I am?) walking around the track a couple of times seemed like a good idea (I really have to stop having those) wilst (yes it's a word) on this walk parts of my lower legs started cramping, so I stop to stretch them.....then other parts like the outside of my feet started cramping into itself, it felt like it was going to bend inward (like make my toes touch my heals, big toe to heal sideways.....are you picturing this?)  Now the choice to lay on the ground and roll around (if possible and the rest of me doesn't cramp into one big ball....hey maybe one of those cute weight lifting young men would use me as an....nevermind) on the floor hoping some one takes pity on "bountiful" chick and unwind her from herself or just try to walk it off.  Of course the "walking it off" route was taken, I don't make a fool of myself on purpose unless there is alcohol involved...duh.  So in the end Sunny (who's name may change to murderer) got me to the gym twice in one week and DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SCREENS THE NEXT STATEMENT MAYBE SHOCKING, I may go later today.....it's that flipping cool-aid I know it.  

Struggles

Struggles, we all have them and today it's with doing what I should do.  And why I don't think I'm good enough to really do the work to get thin, not crazy thin but thinner and in a size of clothes that doesn't make me cringe.   So I've been trying to figure out what it is that is blocking or holding me back from keeping on the path to health and smallerness (it could be a word).  So let the soul searching begin...what is my blockage?  Always something to figure out about ourselves, improve what ever you want call it, explore.  It's just if I could figure it out then maybe dimishing (good word) the extra parts would become easier and go faster too.  
So now with a gym membership in hand and a pal to go with, let's see what happens.  Being a size or two smaller by the end of February....it could happen and hopefully will, wish me luck!

Being a Hater

I'm reading some blog posts from a support site I belong to (it's not AA, although after a really bad night...) and have come to the conclusion that there is something seriously wrong with more than one of the folks on this site.  They, this makes me feel dirty to say, wait...are loving the exercise portion of this program.  What is wrong with all these people????  I do not like to exercise, of course I'm glad I did it later, but really??? come on.  And for the record have not started that part of the program which I 'm sure is why I'm not doing very well at meeting any goals.  DAMN IT!!! What is a gal to do.  Looks like I'm going to have to join the stupid gym with my friend to get me to go and do this time honored tradition of self torchure to acheive any kind of satifcation and goal at being able to wear a smaller size in clothing.  I'm thinking this is really where that quote comes from "that which does not kill us makes us stronger" a woman justifying execerise to herself...I'm just sure of it.

Vodka Promises and More

Yesterday I finally got to talk with a very good friend whom we haven't spoken in almost a year.  This is how our friendship is, it doesn't matter how long between phone calls or visits we just pick up right where we left off.  So as we are speaking a couple of subjects came up.

Promises, see I made good on a promise last March.  Another wonder friend and I got to see each other at our....this going to make us sound so old....wait we are...25th high school reunion a couple of years ago and she had brought her clone, I mean daughter, really this young woman looks sooooo verrryyy (no I didn not adapt a studderrrr) much like her mother it's ridiculous.  Any how, we are talking and having a few (aka many) cocktails whilist connecting again with folks from those years gone bye.  And "A" (the daughter) starts talking about how she wants to travel....well I love me some travel opportunities and so does my liquid friend Vodka, so the converstation keeps going and "V" tells "A" hey pick a place in the world and we will go there.  By the way, "V" isn't invited out me very much anymore.  Now most folks would and did tell me, she won't make you go through with it "V' was doing the promising, but I learned a very long time ago from an extremly special woman (JJ) that we must always keep our promises. So March of 2011 "A" and I went to Paris France for a week.  
And for some reason all the gals at work are inviting me out for drinks...hmmmm.  Now back to the converstation with "L", she says to me well I heard that drinking Vodka will not leave you with a hang over..."L" obiously doesn't drink as often as others do...I said to her "I call bullshit!!!" but for the sake of our friendship will test the theory and let you know what happens.  So now more Vodka will need to be consumed to find out for "L" if it is safe and hand over free.....see that Vodka is not a good pal at all!

You Want Me to What???

I have a friend....we will call her Sunny (she is annoyingly nice to everyone).  Now Sunny knows all about my journey thus far even the HCG boat I was on for a while, she often helps me to realize certain things so that I can make necessary adjustments.  So now she keeps saying some very naughty...horrible...dirty (she kisses her mother with this mouth) words...it's worse than that eight letter word (exercise).  Because it has a total of thirteen letters that put together....I'm not sure, honestly, how she lives with herself... will equate to me...it causes me pain to even say it...purchasing and using a "gym membership"  (those 13 little letters make me feel so dirty).  Yes Sunny want's me to exercise (I think I need a shower) with her at the gym a couple times a week, really at least 4 nights after work....and I call her friend.
Here is my biggest reservation, they will be taking money out of my account each month and I can't cancel until it has been at least 12 months.  What if an opportunity to work in a foreign country like........some Slavic area of the globe, say Romania comes up?  Or what if my Honey wins the lottery and makes me stop doing anything but worship him in some God like manner (okay we all know my inner Goddess would never allow that to happen)?  There are so many things that could possibly get in the way of me paying for a gym memebership (cringed a little there) I won't continue to use....what is a gal to do???? 
Honestly, I put in with "the powers that be" to change my hours to accomidate for this to happen....I must really be into self torchure.....this weight is going to come off, even if it kills Sunny .

ing's

Hello everyone, it's been....hmmm what is the correct word....can't think of just one, so here are many.  The past few months have brought wonderful, sad, thought provoking, change evoking, crying, laughing, (what is with all the ings???) times into my neck of the experience.  Two men (one I knew of through others, one was in my life for a short time as a co worker) who when they walked into a room the atmosphere changed (in a good way) lost battles with cancer.  I really wish we'd find a cure for this plague; it takes too many too soon from the ones that love them.  I have a very dear friend, we've know each other since sophomore year in high school, were each other's maid of honor (she is still married to the wonderful man I stood up with her for) who has now been fighting that cancer bastard (yes that's what it is and dirty rotten bastard) for a few years.  It started in her breast; they took both of those, then last March it was back with a vengeance.  This woman is so strong, fighting so hard, and staying so stead fast in her faith it is inspiring.  She called me the other day; we talked about a trip they recently took with her husband’s family, the house they are trying to buy (I'm under contract to help her move if escrow ever closes) and all of other things going on with either of us.  Then just before we were going to hang up she shared with me how frighten she is, they have been doing chemo on her  since March 2011(this time), she got a chemation (vacation from chemo) over the holidays and had a visit to the City of Hope, well the news wasn't Hopeful.  They aren't giving up, but her life is only going to be filled with more chemo and feeling like crap most of the time.  I want so very badly to make her better, have some kind of words or wisdom that would make it all better and go away for good, but both wisdom and words fail me right now.  I selfishly just want to sit down and cry for an hour or two.  But that doesn't make her better.  She is so frighten right now and trying to hide if from her family, she does share the fear with me, which makes me very privledged I know, what I do is tell her it's okay to be scared.  Give yourself permission to be frighten, face the fear then find a way through it, what is our next step in this battle, what do you need or want me to do?  We live 4 hours apart so just shooting over to her place to hold her is out of the question.  And she's a planner, so wants to plan when I'm coming, and wants me to stay over, so I'm not doing all the driving in one day.  I keep telling her she's worth every step of each mile that I cruse.   
All I can offer her is some humor, love and friendship, which doesn't seem enough, but will have to do for now. 
Well, sorry the second one of these wasn't wonderful, but don't worry there will be more and they may even make you laugh.